Monday, June 16, 2014

Waking Up My Slacker Ass

This slacker ass hasn't even gotten
out of its jam jams.
I had a revelation a couple weekends back... my slacker ass has decided to wake the fuck up. Literally. As in... my glutes and their co conspirator hamstrings were letting my quads and other muscles in the chain do all the work when I went running. 

Slackers. 

And when I needed them most (like steep climbing) they pretty much just checked out and ate a sandwich. 

Nice work, ass. Well, you may have gotten away with being nothing more than weak eye candy for nearly all my life but it looks like The Ranch has put you to work. 

That's right. I think The Ranch has bitch slapped those mother fuckers awake. That's what about 3000 GHRs and a full body muscle memory overhaul will do. If you're wondering what a GHR is, it stands for Glute Ham Raise and the movement is done in a contraption that resembles something out of a BDSM erotica novel which restrains your legs around the ankles. If you secure a rubber strap to the foot plate and place the other end around your shoulders you end up looking somewhat hog-tied. I'm able to go sans the rubber strap these days, but in the end, this beast gets results: Burning glutes and hamstrings which will translate to strength in those muscles – and eventually in time – you are gifted a golden booty. One that actually obeys your commands. No more slacker ass. That big muscle and its buddies the hamstrings will finally start to do their job and you'll notice because your quads will stop burning on the steep climbs and your ass and hams will be fully engaged when you need them.

Here's a video of what the GHR looks like.

video


Or if you're a show-off who's ass doesn't even fit in his pants because even his glutes have glutes and those are all gangsta and probably hiding a couple of shanks, THIS is what the GHR will look like...

video
GHR for over-achievers

It's taken long enough. But I've been patient and consistent with my training enough to be finally feeling a difference. I even had to jump up and down to get a pair of my old jeans to fit over my butt the other day – something that just doesn't happen to me.

But, like I said, it wasn't just the GHRs that created this miracle. It was what I would consider a complete overhaul. Because there was almost no connection between my brain and those muscles, I had some work ahead of me. My hamstrings and glutes weren't firing or engaging at all when they should have been. A frustrating phenomenon probably caused by a LOT of sitting (which I do for work) which contributed to my anterior pelvic tilt and was possibly exacerbated by my tight hip flexors which would get even tighter while running since they were having to do the job that my glutes and hamstrings were supposed to do. Jeez. 

So I've been a "project" and a challenge for The Ranch in so many ways – they even threaten to use me as a training test for any eventual new hires, figuring that if a new hire can train me and be successful they're qualified to train just about anybody. Yep. Sometimes the truth hurts. But, I love my bros at The Ranch and they really do have my best interests in mind. So in order to get the big muscles firing they had me doing serious mobility work from the beginning to start getting supple (which I'm constantly working on). Then there were lunges, squats, split squats, heavy squats, glute raises, couch stretches, banded walking, deadlifts, etc... basically, a lot of movements where I would have to engage my glutes and tighten my ass in order to perform the movement correctly. And one of the things that I swear jump-started my working ass was steep hill repeats where I did uphill sprints on a steep incline while consciously engaging my glutes. It was awkward at first because it put my hips into a whole new position that I wasn't use to and made it actually harder to run, but eventually it became easier and more natural.
My working booty.

So I think I've got a working booty now. At least for the time being cuz my work schedule is starting to make my ass a little lazy again. But now, I'm armed with ways to wake those mothers the fuck up.

So this slacker-ass-redeemed-revelation came about when the DirtyGirlz all got together for a little vertical miles Speedgoat training a couple weekends ago up at Squaw Valley. My life has gotten so busy lately I just haven't been able to find the time to run on my schedule so this was a much needed training day. I needed to see where I'm at with my strength at elevation and since Squaw is at around 8200' this was a great opportunity. We couldn't have picked a better day! It was absolutely beautiful!





I've still got a lot to work on... especially with steep downhills which seem to mess with my hip alignment and tweak my back a tad. I think I'm overextending on the downhills and not tightening my abs enough to stabilize my spine going downhill. If I let it go too long (hmmmm... Pine to Palm 100 seems to ring a bell...) I end up with an achy IT Band as well. Again, my glutes could probably help out a little here but I have to be super conscious and aware of what I'm doing and usually downhill is fun – until its not – so I'm not always paying close attention. I'm trying to work on getting tight downhill too. One day I hope to pull it all together.

But, pain is always subdued by pretty flowers and epic views, so as long as I got those things its not all that bad, right?
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2 comments:

  1. I like your post, greetings from Switzerland:)

    Orianne

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