When writing my blog posts I often debate whether or not I should broach certain subjects which are slightly indecent, moderately suggestive, offensive, superficial or kinda stupid. Yeah. Well, most of the time I write about them anyway. Today's post is certainly no exception. In all honesty, its a perfectly reasonable question and since we're all adults here (hopefully) I figure I will throw it out there. I don't mean to be naughty or crass, but this subject matter is something I think most of us are curious about, myself included. And something most women have probably thought about or dealt with while either running or working out. Maybe other women will read this, answer my question or have advice. So at the risk of being labeled an attention whore, here's my post and question.
What do you wear under your gym clothes?
I'm not asking this in a kinky, sleezy, breathy "hey there sexy, tell me what you're wearing..." sort of way. I'm asking this in a human to human lets talk reality sort of way. Really. And guys... feel free to throw in your two cents here, if you feel so inclined, because for all I know, you may have the same problem.
So what's my problem? I think I've mentioned it before...
Yup. You read that right. It happens almost every time I do sit-ups. Usually if I do more than a hundred. I had no idea this was possible until I started doing workovers that included copious amounts of ab work. Its nice that I have abs now, however, I could do without that scar on my butt.
The first time I experienced this it was pretty painful. I was doing some kind of circuit of push-ups, kettlebell swings, sit-ups and air squats. About halfway through, I stood up to do the squats (after the sit-ups) and noticed a stinging pain right at the top of my crack. Seriously. It felt like someone sliced me with an exacto knife. It stung pretty bad. I had no idea what it was. At first I thought I pulled a butt muscle, but couldn't figure out why it would sting like a cut. I had no clue.
Funny thing is about a week earlier I had a conversation with a girlfriend of mine who had the same thing happen to her during her crossfit WOD. She told me one of the guys at the gym called it "Ass Burn." We called it "Scab Ass." That's what it is for almost two weeks after a workover. Apparently, this "condition" is well known in the Crossfit community. We laughed about how my friend had to sheepishly explain that dubious rub mark to her husband. Seems like there are a lot of strange "burns" you get when doing these high intensity workovers and they are suspiciously similar to the marks one might get during a spontaneous fuck fest, say, for example, on the carpet, or against the side of a pool or hot tub, on a tiled countertop...etc. You're probably thinking "Did she just say fuck fest?" Yeah. I did.
So I investigated and even laughed a little to myself when I realized that the stinging pain right above my crack was the infamous Ass Burn. I still had to explain it to my husband. Thankfully, my friend's experience helped to verify that my "abrasion" was, in fact, due to too many sit-ups and not a gym fling.
So the mark hasn't gone away. In fact, it left a scar. Nice. My ass now has a scar on it. Great.
So what was causing this? Was it just the friction of the movement on the mat? Or was it the friction of the movement combined with the wrong underwear and shorts? It got me thinking. Maybe if I wear different underwear it won't happen. So I tried different underwear. I usually wear a thong, but since the thong I was wearing during the first incident (don't get all sweaty over the details here) had lace trim I thought that the lace is what caused the slicing and burning. So for the first experiment I wore a different panty. One without the lace.
The result: Still another burn. What the hell? Maybe it was the thong. Damn. Do I have to resort to wearing the granny panties? Here's what bugs me about those. For starters, there's an awful lot of fabric on the granny panties and adding that layer under my gym shorts seems like it would be way too hot. Secondly, panty lines are so unattractive and distracting. Its like taping a big sign to my butt that says "Look at my ass!" Lastly, well... granny panties...they just aren't as fun as a thong panty *wink*. I'm just sayin'.
Today, I had another ab workover that included 3 sets of 40 sit-ups. I decided to go completely sans the panties to see if I would finally be rid of the burn, but I was a little weirded out by this. I don't know why, but not wearing underwear to the gym makes me feel a little, I don't know... exposed? Does anyone else not wear underwear to the gym? Is this an acceptable practice? Is this even hygienic? I mean... straddling a weight bench (which I do a lot) or sitting on a rowing machine with only a thin layer of polyester separating me and the surface I'm sitting on seems a little... oh I don't know... icky. I wipe down the surfaces when I'm done, but sometimes my workovers are timed and I have to go do a bunch of pullups or box jumps without stopping. When that's the case, I don't have time to clean up my sweaty cootchie spot. OK. I know that sounded totally gross and innapropriate, but hey...we all sweat. And we all get sweaty "down there," right? It seems that when I wear underwear, no matter what kind, it provides a little more protection. You know?
So for today's "sans panties" experiment the result was: No burn. I did also opt to wear the tighter fitting shorts thinking that there would be less movement of the fabric and less chance of rubbing. I also didn't want to give any free shows while I was straddling the weight bench. It seemed to work. Except... that I felt like I was getting a whole lot of camel toe going on without the underwear, which is pretty annoying. I really don't know of anything that is more embarassing than camel toe. Right girls? Which reminds me... I have always wanted to be Sally O' Mally for Halloween... you know... Molly Shannon plays her character on SNL. "I can kick and I can stretch... cuz I'm 50!!" I would love to dress up as her character, but I haven't had the guts to do the whole camel toe costume. It is so awesome though!
My dilemma? If I go sans panties I risk leaving snail trails and invite camel toe. If I wear the panties I get the burn. Which is the lesser of two evils? Or is there another way? Should I resort to granny panties? Maybe I should just become a nudist and go to a nudist gym where it just doesn't really matter anyway. Maybe not. And maybe this whole conundrum is just stupid and I should just get over it and buck up to the burn.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .